Coffee, Break, and Laziness

It's Christmas break and I'm pretty much annoyed with myself. Yes, I drink WAY to much coffee, yes, I sleep until 1pm, yes, I don't do anything all day, no housework, no friends here, nothing to do. However I'm super annoyed that this is my day let's start early in the day: 4am go to sleep, 1pm wake up, 1pm-4am sit and watch TV and eat. Even when I go to lay down at 4am I don't get to sleep until about 5:30am and I don't get it.

This would be my life if I didn't go to school and have friends there, this would be my reality. I hate it, even when I supposed to be on break I don't like the fact that all I do is sit around. It doesn't help that I'm broke so I can't go anywhere really and if I did go anywhere I would have to shamefully ask mommy for money.

I guess what I'm saying is I'm tired of being a little kid, but it is my fault completely and I guess this is why I'm so annoyed. I make excuses for myself, and I never live up to my or anyone else's expectations. I've always had a problem with apathy and it is still a big factor in my life. All there is to do now is just pray and try because I've been doing this for years.

Peace.

peace in grieving

I don't know her, I don't know her family that well, I don't know much. All I know is that her story has already started off very interesting. Her brother died after birth, God helped her to live, they were brought into the world together yet he left without her, he left her here in this sin filled world while he rests. I know their grandfather, thats really all I know of the family and I barely know him. All I know is that he inspired me to find peace in grieving no matter how horrible it is. He lost his very first grandson, his lineage, his blood, and I know it had to hurt.

He sent us an email which described people in the Bible who had lost something or someone very dear and didn't know why. That was the point, we don't have to know why. Then he talked about his grandson and all the hopes he had for him and that they won't amount to anything but blessed is he who sees now what we strive to see. This young being so quickly returning to his creator, sees only what we imagine to see in the glorious kingdom. The beautiful thing is no matter what we will be reunited with the ones we lost and still love. His sister, having the same birthday, the same almost everything will meet him for the first time with her eyes completely uncovered.

My heart hurts for them, the family, and all touched by this. As he said in the email "See you in the morning" I guess everyone we have missed and everyone gone from this world, to my grandmother, uncle, aunt, my grandfathers and grandmother that I've yet to meet, I will see you in the morning.

I don't know where I'll find you

I've been thinking a lot about relationships and all and I'm totally oblivious. Honestly I don't know where I will be in ten years, a married missionary or a single one. A lot of people are kind of afraid of being single for the rest of their lives specially missionaries. Seriously though in thinking about it I think I could be single for the rest of my life, however I feel very strongly that there is someone out there the God is going to bless me with. It may not be now, it may not even be in the next five years, but it's worth the wait.

Between now and whenever this man will come into my life I have to focus on God and the plan he has for me now. My heart cannot focus on the things that I want for myself in this world, a husband, children, and anything else. If I never get those things but keep my heart focused on God and fill my heart with his love for the people of the world and follow through on that love then I will never be in want for a husband or children. However it will truly be a blessing if God sees it fit to bestow those things on me, and everyday I will thank Him for them. So whoever you are if I'm even supposed to meet you, I don't know where I'll find you or even if I'm meant too, but even still I will praise the Lord for all the blessings I have now.

Peace

To whom shall we go?

So I've been reading in the book of John. I've read it before but you can read the Bible many times over and still find new things, and still be awestruck by the verses.

John 6:67-69 caught me. I read it and felt it's power. The chapter talks about feeding the five thousand and Jesus walking on water and also the bread from Heaven. What first struck my interest in the chapter was Jesus being rejected. Then it continued with disciples turning away because they couldn't handle what Jesus what speaking of. After many had left, Jesus turned to the twelve and said, "Do you also want to go away?" Okay so this struck me in a number of ways because what an honor it is to be chosen by Jesus himself while he is on earth to follow Him everywhere and learn EVERYTHING directly from the mouth of the son of God. Wow. Also, to turn away from that, especially since they had very obvious physical proof that he is the Messiah, is crazy talk.

Anyways, those verses, John 6:67-69 goes as follows:
67"Then Jesus said to the twelve, 'Do you also want to go away?' 68 But Simon Peter answered Him, 'Lord to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.' 69 'Also we have come to believe and know that You are Christ, the Son of the living God."

For real? How awesome is that? "Lord to whom shall we go?" Like, where would I go if I didn't have Christ in my life? I would return to the world, the ugly worthless world. So basically I would go to nothing. It almost seems like Simon Peter was like "Um...Jesus....we got nowhere else to go cuz we have kinda been waiting awhile for you and you have the keys." Not only that but He professes that Jesus is the Christ the Son of God.

I don't know...just something that amazed me when I read it. Kinda cool how God's word can do that. Sweet.

Happy reading.
Peace

Creepy things made better

Last night at MACU was this worship service we call FRAZ. It was kind of wierd because we did a skit and played the part of "lead demon." This skit was about Job and how he served God and expected nothing back after he lost it all. As a "demon" we were told to be as creepy as possible, and I totally got into character. As most people who I affiliate with know...it's not hard for me to be creepy but I had to be demonic creepy. Now as a child of God I pretty much felt like I had to pray before doing this.

Not only did I have to be demonic creepy but I had to be the one on stage with "satan" pretty much at his feet marveling at him. Of course I knew this was for a good outcome but truly when we role play there is always a possibility that we can get sort of infatuated with that character. Though it was a small part of the skit I believe it was a big part of the story.

However, when our part was done we all went into the pues and worshipped God, I know I did with all my might. It was such a cleanser from portraying this demon to really worshipping. It was such a great feeling to really feel God after all that crazy acting. God makes life so much happier and he definately turns any dark situation to light.

Praise a fathomless word

This morning I was sitting in the final session of Oasis (a program for highschoolers at MACU) and the speakers message was ending with the fact that the angels in heaven are forever praising God with everything they have. I can't fathom it, it's so beyond my comprehension. However the speaker was reading a passage in Revelation where it describes the angels praising God and the words they said. He then asked us to join with the angels and say exactly what they say in Revelation and to this day.

So he read a part of it aloud and pointed at us to repeat. The congregation gave a very tired reply, and the speaker expected it. He EXPECTED it. I mean the angels who are praising the REAL God are saying these words with all of their might yet we on this earth can't do the same for fear of judgement by others. How shallow? How fearful? I felt ashamed at myself for it, why should we be afraid to praise God in our own unique way? He loves our praise, He loves when we love Him, why be so fearful?

Then when we sing praise songs and I look around briefly, I see people just standing there. No expression on their faces except boredom. What's more exciting than being free enough to praise our God everyday? It's a blessing, and at every chance I will praise my God with everything. I'm tired of letting others control how I praise, I'm tired of people feeling as if they don't need to praise. I feel it in my soul everyday. Praise be to my God on high! One day I'll be among those who sing praise eternally! How crazy cool is that!

Peace

Inspirations

So in my life there have been many inspirations, my family, friends, missionaries, and all around good people. I miss a lot of people dearly and I only wish that we could all be in one place for a long time. So many friends I don't see anymore, but I still keep them in my heart.

I guess thats what it'll be in heaven, everyone together in one place forever united in peace. All of my inspirations those I have met and those I haven't all in that perfect place. Maybe then I will really get to express to them what their life meant in mine, even if they never knew I existed. I am so stoked to see what God has for these peoples lives and I'm am so priviledged to have them in my life.

These inspirations are blessings to me. Never in my life would I have grown spiritually without you, never would I see passion at it's finest. I love you all, I love your love, kindness, sillyness, serious talks, and accountability. God bless you all to the fullest extent. Thank you.

Peace.

My classes at MACU are becoming to be interesting. I'm learning more and more about the missions feild and how to deal with other cultures and I get excited to feel it. To experience the difference in another culture excites me and I'm super ready to get out there.

Although I'm excited to venture out and bring people the truth I know that in the small city there is much to be done. This is where I start my mission, this place right here in my grasp. I can't go out on a mission without first realizing there is more here too. It's kinda like looking at everyone elses "faults" and not noticing your own, but I am aware of the urgent need here as well.

Most people in the U.S. have heard the name Jesus Christ and maybe they think he's a fluke or a story character with good morals. This is the hardest mission of them all, going to people who have heard of this man and his good works and still have yet to believe he is a real Holy being. These are the skeptics who challenge you at everything you say and we must be ready to answer, we gotta know our stuff.

Missions classes are helping me realize that YES this is what I want to do, I want to get dirty and gross. I want to use the bathroom in a hole, I want to eat the food, travel as they do even if it's by foot only. Let me be sent! All of this for the glory of God? Yes please. That is my prayer, the famous saying, here I am God, send me!

Peace.

Now I'm here

I'm back at MACU I've been back for a couple of days now and it's been different but in a good way. I'm not so focused on other things so much, I feel much more dedicated to my work. I've met a ton of promising people here again. The freshmen seem to be adjusting well I just pray they don't get caught up in other things as I did last year.

Ever since the first chapel this year it seems everyone that has been speaking has spoken about focus and dedication. This makes sense, it's the beginning of the year so encouragement is needed. However something stuck out to me, one speaker said something that caught my attention more than anything. He said, "while your here your doing your ministry." He went on to say that doing our homework diligently is our ministry, getting good rest is our ministry, studying and studying well is our ministry. I never thought about that before and it really spoke to me and made me realize how truly important it is to be focused.

I am enjoying myself as well as being studious which is a sweet thing in my mind. Only with God is this able to be done.

Peace.

Seems like a long road

Well, tomorrow is the day. The end to a long journey, but the beginning of an entirely longer journey. Tomorrow I will move back into the dorms as a student at the once named Roanoke Bible College, now named Mid-Atlantic Christian University. I am in such relief that this learning experience of the past semester and summer have come to an end. I've learned more about myself in these last nine months than I have ever in my life.

Tomorrow is the test to see if I have truely changed. Have I really become a better person? I believe so but actions speak volumes among anything else. It's my hope that I can be that person I think I have become and show everyone especially my family that this is me now.

I hope I can be an inspiration to the freshman that are coming in. I hope I can be a blessing without knowing it. I hope I can help anyone who needs it instead of being a selfish jerk, but I don't want to be a door mat. My prayer for myself and others is that we will be a family and help each other out instead of talk about each other. This is what Jesus told us, to become a unit, to be as one. This is my prayer.

Best of luck to everyone going into the school year.

Peace.

The time is coming!

The time is near! The day is coming close! As you may know I am ecstatic about getting back to school, not only am I excited about seeing all of my friends again but I am super excited about getting into these classes and learning. I'm incredibly ready to learn what I need to learn to get to where God wants me to go.

It's only a week until I move in again and I have a completely different outlook on how this year is going to happen. Last year about this time I was so stoked to meet new people and be on my own for the first time, so much so that I was blinded from the real reason why I was there. This year I am not blinded by independence, but I can see that relationships are important and more important fulfilling God's plan for me.

So that's what I'm going to do, I will put my best foot forward toward learning and doing my best academically as well as spiritually. I am more excited to learn this year than I have ever been in my entire life. With God's help and some good accountability and my determination, this will be an amazing year.

Peace.

The Last

So my time in New Bern is coming to a close, and I thank God for letting me have this experience. I have learned a lot about myself, I have become more solid in my faith, and I met some really amazing people. I made friends with people I would otherwise just pass on the street and have no second thought about it. I stayed with some pretty sweet people, heard some really good music, and praised God more than I ever have in my life.

I became fast friends with many people, I had much fellowship which warmed my heart. I had great counseling with a great friend that I respect and love very much, she was a blessing. I've found a greater deeper love for my family that was hiding for a long time. I love my Mom, Dad, Sisters, and my Brother in law now more than I ever knew I would. My respect for them has risen leaps and bounds. God is my foundation, they are my base structure which is probably the most important part other than the foundation.

I have begun to love people I don't even know which was my prayer all along. Because of this experience my view of God has changed for the better. Instead of Him being this far off entity that was only reached if you were in times of trouble, He became a very near real father who responds actively to those He loves. I praised Him while I worked, before I slept, before I ate, and at any point in the day I was praising Him. When my heart was troubled and I prayed I was instantly at peace. That is no overexageration, this is what my Father did for me, I give Him all the glory.

I am so excited to get back home and show my family the new and improved Emilie for a while. I am so excited to show them what God has done in my life these past couple of months. I am so amped to show my home church the love God has given me, and how glad I am that they have played a major role in my life. Never in my life have I ever been so ready to help "the least of these" and make a difference and take none of the credit, I'll only do it for His glory.

Thank you New Bern, thank you new found friends, thank you anyone who I came in contact with that helped my walk. Most of all thank you God for being astronomically amazing in every way, and for surrounding me with your love this summer. Amazing grace and peace fills me tonight.

With love,
Peace.

Progress

What is today but another day spent in progress. The progress of humanity, industry, politics, science, and chaos. Yet I can't spend a day without Christ on my mind. I can't spend a day not trying to figure out ways to progress in the name of Jesus. Am I against progress? No not at all I just think we get consumed by it. I never want to be consumed completely with the progress of worldly things. Because this world will not last. It is destined to fail.

I want to progress the Kingdom. I am on this earth therefore I must respect the wishes of my worldly leaders unless it goes against the things Jesus told us. I answer to a Kingdom not of this world I am ready to further it in this world so many can be saved when we finally enter this Kingdom.

I feel an urgent call. I feel the flame inside of me writhing with impatience. My mind is alive with thoughts of the future, and possibilities. I'll keep praying about this progress and the progress of those who lives for the Kingdom

Peace.

I wanna know what it's like...

You know that song that has the lyrics "I wanna know what it's like, to live in heaven" well I've been thinking about those words. I am so eager to find out what heaven looks like, I wanna know what perfection is, I wanna feel the sweet release of this world.

To never be sick, poor, wealthy, or lie, cheat, or anything that humans are apt to do. To be whole, to feel the purity and completeness and peace, man....sounds so amazing. Not only to feel complete but to meet the one that made us able to be complete.

Jesus, the one that saved us, to be fully surrounded by his love without distraction is my ultimate goal. To meet the God that created this world and loved us even before we were created, to be wrapped in his arms and to physically hear the words from his lips "I love you daughter" will be the happiest moment of my new life.

There are a lot of "to be's" in this blog but dang, its gonna be sweeter than sweet. I feel myself yearning for the day that I am with my savior and creator. Down to the very tiniest molecule of me belongs to to Him and I cannot wait to leave that molecule here on earth and take the non-fleshy me back to Him. I love Him so much.

Peace.

ready ready ready

I am a very impatient person. I am a "I want it now" kind of creature. I am taming myself to not be so urgent, to let my eager spirit rest and wait for exciting things to come. Some material, some not so material. For example, I REALLY want an ipod..now but I can't have one just yet because I can't but soon! I REALLY want to get back to school....now but, again, I can't because the time has not yet come. I REALLY want to go on an overseas missions trip........now but...you get the gist.

So much I want now. So much I feel like I can't wait for. For me the future must be now. But this is where I must let go of the control I so feel I should have. Most of what I want now is not material, I want knowledge, experience, exposure, culture, and most of all I want to be the tool that God uses to bring many close to Him without taking the credit. So much rests in his hands and I am all to willing to rush things along.

My mother always said to me and my sisters (and we HATED hearing this phrase) "your time will come." Now that I think back maybe she should've worded it a little differently such as, "His time will come for you." I never took this phrase seriously nor did I ever want it in my life, but it proves true today. Never will "my time come" but rather His time will come to call me, to urge me along. Funny how destiny is all about timing, Gods timing.

Peace.

Fire

I realized something today, I have a fire. For a long time I thought my "fire" dulled a bit and it hurt me to thing of this. Today I realized it was still there, all along. I know its still there because
I found that I am not complacent with life and 21 out of the 24 hours out of the day I am thinking about Jesus, or the word, or something in that context.

I love the thought of getting back to school and learning about Christianity, I can't wait to do so many things for the glory of the Lord I almost come to tears. I have no complacency in my life I am ready to move. I'm urgent in this because I feel it bursting inside of me waiting to explode into the world.

There is so much left inside of me that I am so excited to understand what is planned for my life I can't contain it.

Peace.

I dream of the days...

Today is another day that I sit in my head and dream of the days when I will be out on the missions feild. I guess I'm getting impatient and I want to start learning more about missions, every component, all the "ins and outs." I want to go on my first missions trip and feel something profound. Although I'm almost 100% sure that this is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, I still want that first experience where in my downtime, in my peace I want to think, "yeah this is what He wants me to do for rest of my life."

Thus I am super excited to get to school and learn more about missions and the Bible in general. I screwed up the first time but not again, this time I will make a difference in my life and possibly others but only with the help of God. I cannot do it myself.

Peace

It's so hard to hear here.

I cannot hear you. So much around me, so many people talking, so much of this world, I can't hear you. I need you to YELL at me, scream, make your prescence known please! I can't hear you.

This is what my heart is saying to God. This is what my human fleshy self is saying to God, and all the while like a parent he says, "I will not raise my voice, you need to listen." I need the sonar of a bat to hear God tell me what he needs to say. I cannot tell when he is nudging me to do something, say something, or even to make an inquiring facial expression. Because I cannot hear him I have this pit in my soul and I feel it everyday, and I know I cannot feel this burning that usually happens in my chest when I think deeply.

I have made my heart weak and I want to breathe, bleed, feel, and live Christ. I need to do something within me so epic, so life changing that I don't even know how I got there. I need to listen.

Peace.

Bullhorn Guy

Tonight in our small group that we have every wednesday night, we talked about the "bullhorn guy." What is this bullhorn guy you ask? Where did this even derive from? Well we are watching a series of short films by Rob Bell called Nooma videos. If you are familiar with these videos I don't have to explain but to those who have no idea let me share. This guy Rob Bell makes these videos that are suppose to spark up conversation and get people thinking about certain lessons that we each face in day to day living as a Christian.

Well this weeks lesson was on the bullhorn guy. This is the fellow that stands in a crowded area with a bullhorn and pamphlets yelling fire and brimstone. The man that feels he is doing God's will but in fact is pushing people farther from the truth. This is an annoying and rather offensive tactic to use to try to bring people to the Lord. Even to a follower of Jesus these bullhorn people are just making it harder for the sane Christians to witness because of the crazy stereotype.

I never want to be caught with a bullhorn. I pray that God will keep my heart, mind, and soul away from that overzealous bullhorn. I mean I get fired up over God but I get fired up over his love and grace, not his damnation to those who oppose him on judgement day. If I weren't a believer and someone yelled out to me, "If you don't believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and savior, you're going to Hell, you will burn in the firey depths, and consumed with torment if you do not have Christ in your heart." I would be FREAKED out, I wouldn't even try and touch this Jesus creature. It creeps me out a little now and annoys me more than anything.

How would I deal with talking to these bullhorn people? What would I say? How would I react to their comments? I only pray that if this situation ever comes about I am prepared with answers to their questions.

Peace.

So they landed

I got an e-mail today forwarded from my mom saying that they landed in Africa and are safe. This makes me extremely happy because there is no greater feeling than knowing that a loved one has landed safely in a foreign country, especially after a 15 hour flight.

The last line of the e-mail started with a P.S. "It's like something out of a movie, can't wait to tell you about it." I can only imagine what they are feeling. Annie has always wanted to go to Africa I bet she never thought she'd get there, God does strange things.

To me in my insignificance and my skittish nature, it almost seems impossible to me that people in my own home community let alone strangers would give me money for missions. Though they would know that they get an eternal reward, a lot of people look for instant reward. Then again these are just my faithless thoughts that I pray to never let enter my contemplation again. Because I know if I try if I just "give it a shot" anything could happen. The faith of a mustard seed right?

All I know is God will be doing great things through Annie and Brian in these next three weeks. I can't wait to hear how he worked through them. I can't wait until it's my turn, although I will wait patiently. I'm so excited because I know it's going to be more amazing, possibly beyond words. Praise God for keeping everyone safe.

Peace.

A whole new mood

I know I wrote earlier but I have this thing where I feel things so I have to write them somewhere and usually a computer is closest.

I was listening to a song called "Love on my side" while not a christian song, it still made compare some parts to life as a Christian. "I got all this love on my side" that statement struck me for some reason. Mostly the word ALL gets me, because I do have literally all this love on my side and yet sometimes I fail to reflect it back to others.

I have so much love on my side it's ridiculous. The love of a father, mother, two wonderful sisters, a brother-in-law, and countless more, but mostly I have the completely pure love of a savior. What better love is there than the love of a savior? These other loves are blessings that come from the love of that savior and I thank him for that daily.

Also, "No one ever said love was not enough" thats all it took for me to love those who loved me. I mean you don't choose your family but when they genuinely say I love you, even from the very first moment I'm sure love is instilled in a small baby when they know they are loved. Get this, even before the womb Jesus told us he loved us. Even before our mothers entered the womb we were told "I love you." The list keeps going, it only amazes me.

I don't know if you could tell but I become in awe very quickly over the smallest of things.

Peace.....................oh hey.........................I love you
k bye

Journeys far and wide

Today Annie and Brian left to go to Africa. Pretty sweet, I'm way excited for them. I can't wait to hear stories and see pictures. It makes me eager to experience some of the same things and more that they will in these next three weeks.

Everytime I think of my first missions trip outside of this country, pictures run through my mind. I keep thinking about the different things I will learn about other cultures and how that experience will change me. I haven't even gotten there yet and I am overwhelmed by what I feel God will do in my life in these next couple of years.

It's gonna be a sweet life of service.

Peace.

Coming home

It's the 4th of July, and I'm home in Jamesville, and loving the time I get with my family this weekend. I love that no matter what in this house I can be completely myself and let all guards down. I'm moving towards being able to do that in a lot of social settings because I believe that in a lot of cases openness is all there needs to be to start relationships. Although I do believe that we must guard our hearts to a certain extent, I think we shouldn't guard it with top security lasers with steel gates and ninjas...thats right ninjas.

Being home this weekend I have felt the love, which is what I am training myself to do even with complete strangers. I pray literally all the time that I may love with a very real deep love, it is improving but being a fallible human doesn't help. Well, I'm so very thankful that I have a huge helping hand on my side to guide me into being successful in loving all with that deep love. Learning to love is possibly one of the hardest things to learn, not sure why, it's kind of a shame. Anyway Happy 4th everyone, have a great time with your loved ones!

Peace.

saying things twice for an hour and a half

Oh these days are just getting more and more interesting. Those who grew up in New Bern think it's the most boring place ever but in reality it actually is a very interesting place. Very different people here. It is just a whole different place then the other places I've lived (two other places). I enjoy it here I mean, I won't be here all my life I'm sure but for now it is enjoyable.

Being here makes me realize that I am so glad I have friends that come from different places and have been everywhere. I feel like a fledgling compared to them, I've jumped out of the nest but I'm still in mid-air. I hope to hit the ground in another country one day, but it really is all up to God. I do have preferences as to where I want to go, but I have always stuck by "it's not up to me" because well, it's not.

I'm glad I've given my life to a life of service for the Kingdom.

Peace.

The things that go through the mind late at night

I keep staying up kinda late just lying in bed thinking constantly about the next day or the day I had. The positives, oh but do I criticize myself on the negatives. Well that random thought aside I would like to say that my thinking tonight is not of criticism it is about excitement. Just the way this whole summer is panning out seems to be lesson after lesson.

God is teaching me a lot this summer, already I've had many lessons in leadership. I've never really been a good leader when doing things so I feel like this is my chance that God has given me to prove myself wrong. I have to work tomorrow again and I'm pretty excited about it, I hope I can keep getting excited about it everyday.

Well that does it.
Peace

God swoops down in a time of need

Living in New Bern has put a strain on me financially. This strain has come from weeks of not being paid from my job because of a tax form, but patience pays off, and so does prayer. So my mom calls me today and the first thing she says is "your rich" and I'm thinking...ok I've gotten paid FINALLY, she says, "no thats not it." By this time I'm confused.

Since I went to a community college on a scholarship that paid everything, I got a check back for the room and board money I did not use. Now I'm not going to say the amount, but let's just say it's plenty. So that phone call was a blessing and a prayer answered in my time of need. God truly does provide for those who seek Him and His guidance.

Before this financial crisis, I heard a sermon on how God provides. The speaker used a quote from the Bible that says something to the affect that He has given everything in nature all that it needs to survive, so why wouldn't he provide for us, His children. Then came the crisis and I remembered what the speaker said and I became patient, and finally God swooped down in a time of need.

Thanks God for being awesome.

Peace.

summer so far

So far this summer I have managed to live in someone elses home, land a job, withdraw from a summer course, help with a church, meet more people, all while looking forward to the school year ahead. I am truly keeping my focus on being a missionary, this summer is a stepping stone on the way there. I keep my mind on what I'm doing so that I can say to myself "how is this benefitting my life or anyone elses?" If I have no idea then I feel I am doing something wrong.

I long for the missionary life, not just to experience cool stuff or go different places but to experience the work that God is doing. I want to feel the purity and know the joy everyday in my life. I'm starting to feel it here, in the small town of New Bern. Everytime I earn a smile out of someone or am embraced by true friendship or gratefulness, I feel the joy. It makes me happy, almost to tears when I feel that joy because I know God is in it.

So far has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, to live away from home, to be around different people, trying to find my way around. Everything has hit me in a very big way and I start to think "this isn't anything compared to what I'll deal with overseas." Then I think about that joy I talked about earlier, I picture the times that I will feel the purest joy ever in new brothers and sisters in Christ.

Summer so far has taught me many things. 1) Don't be scared of new people, 2) Embrace every chance to love deeply, and 3) find the joy and cling to it. Although that was just some..you get the gist of it.

Joy in Christ

the run down

So my life at the moment it pretty awesome. Got the grades to go back to the college of my choice,

Moved to New Bern for the summer,

Got a job at the YMCA as a camp counselor,

Taking a summer course, and its pretty intense,

So yeah I'm just moving along with life. I'm glad to finally feel life moving instead of being stagnant. Feeling pretty good and ready for what might come next.

This is going to be really short. I REALLY wanna go on a missions trip outside of the country, I'm itching to go on one. Well thats about it.

Ok, I eat many foods that are very unhealthy for me. Did I say I eat food that is very unhealthy? I meant I eat food that is very VERY unhealthy. I drink caffeinated drinks not even for the caffeine but because I just think they taste awesome. I am not over weight by any means but I'm pretty sure that maybe 15 years from now I will be seeing the outcome of all this grossness I keep putting in myself.

I really want to start eating healthy but it's really hard when I live at home and I live in the south where fried food is EVERYWHERE. Not to mention all that fried food is amazingly delicious, I really do want to do better. I'm trying to drink more water and not so many sodas, I don't drink way to much coffee so I'm not really worried about that. As far as exercise, well I don't really, but when I do I enjoy it and I also don't eat as much.

Well I guess I'll keep praying and hopefully I'll make a change.

There are days now that I think a lot. I know most people say that they tend to think a lot but for a few days now I've thought more than a lot. Especially now since Easter has passed I am thinking more now about my life, how its been, how it is, and how it might pan out.

I've found many things to be true thus far in my life. Number one: being the youngest does not mean you get what you want all the time, Number two: Eighteen is probably one of the most turbulent ages to go through because so much changes in the family when one gets to be that old, Number three: Anyone can feel when it is truly time to be an adult. These are only three of the maybe hundreds of things I've found out in merely nineteen years of life.

As the days go by I find it more and more necessary to find my own path, I guess you could say I'm "coming into my own." People have plans for me in thier minds but I've come to understand that it's time to make my own plans and stick to them, as well as follow God's plans first and foremost. I'm so excited for the future but there is no way I can fulfill my dreams while living out plans that others have for me rather than making my own way in this world.

I just hope that God gives me enough strength to make plans that will glorify Him in every way.

So Im new to this

I've just created this thing, so I'm obviously new at this whole blogging thing. Be gentle.